Funny T-Shirt

Three seconds and one glance

Your reader is across an aisle, a bar or a train car, and they will not work at it. A line that resolves in one pass earns a smile. A line that needs a second pass earns nothing, because nobody rereads a stranger's chest. Short wording, ordinary vocabulary and the payoff at the end are what get through, and a joke leaning on an obscure reference simply narrows the room to the people who already hold it.

• Roughly eight words is the ceiling. Past that it stops being a line and becomes a paragraph at conversational range.
• Put the payoff last. Setup then punch survives a glance; the reverse order gives the ending away before the eye reaches it.
• Plain lettering outperforms decorative lettering. A stylized face spends legibility you do not have to spare.
• A narrow reference is a smaller room, not a worse joke. Choose it knowingly rather than by accident.

Where the words land on a torso

A chest print is positioned a set distance below the collar, so an identical design sits at a different height on different people and spans a different share of the width. Short wording holds together on everybody. A long line that looks balanced on a large size can reach toward the side seams on a small one. Bodies also refuse to stay flat, and the outer thirds of any print are the first thing to disappear.

• The middle third is the reliable part. Keep the word carrying the joke well away from the edges.
• Folded arms remove the ends. A design that still works with its outer edges hidden is one that works in a checkout line.
• An open jacket leaves a narrow column. Stacked wording layers better than wording that runs wide.
• Sitting down bunches the fabric. Anything printed low on the body creases out of shape the moment somebody takes a seat.

Buying a joke for somebody else

The awkward part of a funny shirt is that the statement belongs to whoever puts it on, not to whoever paid for it. They are the one answering for it at work, in the school pickup line and at the gym, and they cannot take it off at eleven in the morning. That points strongly toward a joke about something the person does rather than a joke about the sort of person they are.

• An activity is safer ground than a character trait. Dog walking, snacks and staying in are low risk; a verdict on somebody's personality is not.
• Picture the room they will wear it in. A line that is fine on a Saturday can be unwearable on a Tuesday morning.
• If you would hesitate to wear it, that is your answer. The hesitation is information, and it costs nothing to act on.

The garment under the joke

Choosing the line is the fun half. The blank it is printed on is a separate decision and deserves half a minute, because the fit you get after three washes and the way the artwork survives them are both set by the shirt rather than by the wording.

• Dark blanks print by different rules. What that changes is set out on the graphic t-shirt page.
• Weight and yarn decide the shrink. Both are covered on the cotton t-shirt page.
• Same joke, heavier garment. A funny sweatshirt reaches a smaller and more familiar audience than a tee does.